I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
