Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
