I'm going to jail i love you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize