keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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