when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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