I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I want is dick and wine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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