Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize