u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
