Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
