Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize