i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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