It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Rumble strips road head = magical
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
