Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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