You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
