who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
