Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize