Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
