I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize