You can't motorboat a personality
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everclear isn't food dammit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
