jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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