I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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