I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
