Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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