Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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