you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
