Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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