We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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