i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
