He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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