What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
