You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
