Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
