I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
