I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
