Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
