The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just gargled with NyQuil
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
