That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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