THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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