I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
