What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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