how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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