I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
