It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cops high fived after they tackled you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
