The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
