Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
