We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
