So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
