I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize