She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
