I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
