he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
