Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

(269): View more from Michigan

Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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(847): View more from Illinois

She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.

Fav 4 2005 1152
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.

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(281): View more from Texas

I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot

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(541): View more from Oregon

how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.

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