I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize