Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
