so that wasnt chicken after all
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
