I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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