so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
