It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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