No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
