oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
