So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
