I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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