I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
