I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
