last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
