Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
