I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize