How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if only i could text you this smell
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I AM VODKA MAN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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