it's not cheating when I paid for it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
