I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
