I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
