Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
