The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
