This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize