Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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