You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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