i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
